Updated: Jul 14, 2021
Life happens. Sometimes things go the way you want. Other times you may feel stuck, like you keep trying to make things work but nothing is happening. While this can be frustraing, chaotic and even emotionally painful, it is also a tremendous opportunity for empowering self awareness, and healing by letting go of what no longer works for you.
In this article, I share a few of the more pervasive beliefs, mental and emotional states, and ways of living based on these beliefs and states that may be holding you back, along with suggestions for transcending the limitation.
It cannot happen because…
This takes several forms, one of which is sequential thinking. Do you believe that in order to meet your life partner you first have to lose weight? Or do you believe you need money in order to make money? These are just two of many examples of how you limit yourself with sequential thinking.
Another form are all the “reasons” why you cannot have what you want: believing money is hard to get, believing the “other shoe will drop” and you don’t want to feel disappointed, believing things have always turned out a certain way so a new outcome is not possible, believing you need assistance from a specific person or group and they are not going to help you…this list goes on and on. These things can, and often do, keep many people stuck.
A second form includes rigid mental states such as skepticism, cynicism, and “being realistic.” While it is important to not automatically believe and accept everything you hear, it is also important to avoid mental rigidity that prevents new innovation, perspective and fulfillment.
The key to freedom from “It cannot happen because __________” is the willingness to admit you do not know it all, and to allow for the possibility of other outcomes and perspective. Suspend your disbelief just for a few moments, unclutch from what you think is possible and not, and notice how it feels to open up.
In the Mystery Mastery Healing System, I talk about how the evolution of even one “bit” of energy in the interconnectedness of life will assist every other bit of energy to evolve. In terms of jealousy, this means that other peoples’ successes support you in yours. Their success makes yours more likely, and with less effort. The more successful people, the better off you are. Feeling grateful for the success of others will intensify this effect.
When you blame someone for something in your life that is not working the way you want, you make it impossible to change your life for the better. By blaming you make that other person responsible for making the change. You may end up waiting a long time, perhaps forever.
As a fully empowered divine being, you are the writer and director of your life. Every difficult person and challenging situation is there because you wrote or directed it that way. If someone was just acting out the script you wrote for them, what is there to forgive for their follow through? To get the full effect of this, take a while and notice what happens in your body and in your energy as you take it in.
Note: this does not mean you should put yourself in situations that are unsafe or be close with people who are not good for you. You can see yourself as writer and director, and then write and direct something new that works better for you.
Trying to making things happen
There is a point where action that was productive becomes unproductive. If you sense yourself pushing, pulling, or trying too hard, you are out of alignment with flow. Step back, notice what you are feeling, then relax back into allowing. Creation is a combination of productive effort and allowing your efforts to unfold.
Trying to figure out how to make something happen
When things don’t turn out the way you want, or you are afraid they will not work out the way you want, many people will go round and round in their minds trying to figure out what can be done differently. If you’ve been trying to figure out how to make something happen, and are unable to come up with anything that works, you can choose instead to give up on the mental hampster wheel and see what happens. Often the problem will resolve on its own when you let go of your mental grip on it, or a new solution will present itself.
When “rebelling” against something, you are still being constricted by it. You cannot say “no” to something without having that something present to say “no” to. You cannot be a rebel without something to rebel against, and in the process of being against something you give that something power over you. As a result your resistance of it locks you into being defined by it. This is true whether it is a way of being that you rebel against, a cause or even a person. One way out of this trap is to embrace and be at peace with both the rebel and that which you wish to rebel against.
What are you defending?
Whatever your political or religious views (or any any other views, or beliefs about yourself), they can either make life better, or they can be a fortress that keeps you from meaningful connections with others, from openness to new opportunities, new learning, and making a difference in the world. By noticing when you go into reactivity, you can learn how to hold your views in a way that supports growth and awakening rather than inhibit it. You may even discover you have expanded beyond the viewpoints and they now feel too limiting for you to ever go back.
Who is the “you” that wants things to be a specific way?
Are you addicted to your self? If you want to be in the awakening fast lane and experience as Spirit, as Oneness, addiction to selfhood can hold you back. The next time you want things to be a specific way, notice what happens when there is no longer a “you” wanting. What happens to the energy of wanting without a “you” there to attach to it?
Please note: this does not mean you should ignore your physical body and its needs and desires. Your body is a divine gift and an important part of experiencing all the love/beauty/grace the divine has to offer. You will find, as you release your addiction to selfhood, that your physical experience is improved and enhanced by the awakening that unfolds.
Taking it further
I recommend going over this list again. Which things resonated strongly? When did you notice resistance (this includes skepticism and “being realistic.”). When did you think about putting it aside for another time? If you notice yourself going into resistance or avoidance, you can use the technique in the last paragraph of “It cannot happen because ____.”